The grieving process

When I joined WAY (the Widowed And Young Foundation) I found it very helpful. During one of the discussions we discussed how we can explain to others how our grief affects us, and this page shows two of these which I felt summed things up best for me.

The churnpool

As we travel down the river of life, if we lose someone we love, it is like going over a waterfall - the shock of the fall is the grief of that loss. In the churnpool at the bottom of the waterfall, we are bounced back and forth randomly between the rocks. Eventually, we get clear of the churnpool and continue our journey downstream, but we may still bump into the occasional rock.

These rocks represent the stages of the grieving process, which is traditionally represented as a linear process, but which many of those who grieve for someone do not accept as linear. For each person there will be differences:

some will see the waterfall coming, some won't
the waterfall will be different heights
different amount of time to clear the churnpool
hitting those rocks in a different order
the journey downstream will be punctuated by differing numbers and sizes of rocks

The ball in the box

When your loved one dies, the grief you feel is a ball inside a box which is your life. Initially that ball fills the box, with only a small space around the edges for anything else. As time passes, the box (your life) grows bigger, but the ball (your) grief stays the same size. The grief you feel never diminshes, you just find more space for the rest of life.