MISTAKEN IDENTITY
ALL of a sudden I am suffering from an identity crisis. IN MY ROLE AS COLUMNIST I could be any one or all of the following according to Michael Knighton's now famous programme notes: "childlike and in danger of destroying Carlisle United for all time;" "a crackpot journalist" who uses "acidic invective;" "an idiot with a pen;" "one helluva dangerous entity;" a journalist of "limited, sometimes zero literary skill;" a writer who holds "immature and smug views;" a person who holds "inflated misinformed views;" a "feckless and irresponsible" person; a columnist with an "increasingly hostile and misinformed critical approach" responsible for "hysterical critical opinion" the latter "often based on narrow illinformed views;" a journalist capable of "ludicrous hectoring" and "hysterical posturing" not to mention "irresponsible rantings."
Apart from that everything okay? But wait, there's more ... I could also, apparently, be out to smash the "anti-Christ." Which, I have to say, was news that came as something of a surprise to me. But still, if you insist.
IN MY ROLE AS EDITOR I could be "caressing the soul" of the above columnist ie me (an interesting case of the carer at work in society) but guilty of all manner of other offences which are apparently guaranteed to enhance the coffers of the company for which I work and result in the demise not only of Carlisle United but most probably the entire civilised world as we know it.
HOWEVER, IN MY PART-TIME journalistic role as Border TV commentator on home games at Brunton Park (yes, I'm the one who used to get excited) it would appear that I could be Mr Nice Guy. Border TV "deserve credit for their well balanced, fair-minded and professional reporting".
So you think you're confused by events at Brunton Park this relegation season? What about poor old me?
ZIMMER FRAMED
THE secure, long term future of professional football at Brunton Park and in Cumbria is of vast importance and I do not seek to make light of something many of us all hold dear. And despite my obvious confusion (clearly I need some form of help/treatment, zimmer frame) we do take seriously one area of accusation and criticism which we cannot allow to pass without response. And that is the strong allegation that this newspaper and/or its writers (which are lumped together in the chairman's melting pot of criticism) has made calls for a mass boycott of games or for fans to demonstrate, to have sit-ins or to chant abuse. That is something we simply have NOT done. I do not particularly like employing the use of cheap shots, but this season the above is something the chairman has been more than capable of achieving single-handedly without any assistance from the Press. I firmly believe that The Gazette and its writers have been fair and constructive - while retaining objectivity and a strong sense of realism - in their observations on United this season. Just thought I'd put the record straight.
THE LAST WORD
Should Michael Knighton ever change his mind about employing a "manager" - and I think that is highly unlikely - I would like to put forward the name of a potential candidate. His name is Dougal, he is a character in "Father Ted" and he has immaculate qualifications for the post in that he wears his soccer jersey in bed.
It is an expensive journey to Luton for the last rites in Carlisle's relegation ceremony. And as fans, we at least will be there
A LONG and disappointing season for Carlisle United comes to a close this weekend at Luton Town where the side's sole remaining incentive is to avoid finishing bottom of the pile.
Luton's two all draw at Brentford last week secured their second division status for another year at least, handing a deserved reprieve to manager Lennie Lawrence whose future had formed the basis of substantial speculation as the Hatters stumbled their way through much of the campaign.
In truth, Lawrence has been consistently bedevilled by injuries, and at one point as many as 19 squad members were lying on the treatment table.
Even the £400,000 return of striking prodigal Phil Gray has done little to improve their fortunes as he too quickly played his way into a long spell in injury rehab.
And even though he has gradually worked his way back to fitness, Luton will no doubt now be looking forward to next season as the year in which they make good their potential and clinch the promotion place that arguably should have been theirs last time round.
Denial of the second automatic promotion spot on all but the last day of the season to Stockport County condemned Luton to a first round play off defeat at the hands of Crewe Alexandra, and a lingering hangover that has affected their performances this season too.
Now that the inevitable has become the unavoidable at Brunton Park, Carlisle will no doubt travel to Kenilworth Road in subdued mood, no longer able to clutch at the straws of other and unlikely mathematical permutations.
For their own and for the fans' sakes, they need to sign off with a performance much more Convincing than anything seen in recent weeks - bar perhaps the 3-1 defeat of Oldham Athletic.
Sadly, it is one of football's commonly accepted truisms that those sides which finish one campaign badly generally begin the next in a similar state, and United's eight defeats in nine outings bodes ill for their short term future.
Unless of course, coaches John Halpin and David Wilkes are given the commitment and resources to reshape a side lacking in confidence and pulled apart by injuries, transfers and squad Changes
At times this season, United have played some super football. The 2-0 defeat of Fulham, a 3-0 win at Preston, a fighting 2-2 draw at Wrexham and the 5-0 demolition of Southend are some highlights En an otherwise dismal campaign where too often Carlisle were without rhythm or confidence and were undone by an unlucky lack of form at the back not to mention the sales of senior players that made replacements particularly difficult to find.
Michael Knighton, in his current campaign against the press may well want to question the wisdom or accuracy of that assessment. He is fully entitled and well placed to do so, but the facts are that after 45 games, United have won 12, drawn eight and lost 25.
That simply hasn't been good enough, ana United are condemned to rebuilding their ambitions in a way that may prove more expensive than survival in the second division would have done.
Some may believe that this column has indulged in "petty hectoring" and "puerile bunkum", "rocketing a hatred of Knighton to new galactic heights", but I beg to differ.
There has been no attempt to trivialise the issues, no abuse of individuals, and least of all, no attacks on individual players. Opinion is judgement based on fact, and the fact of Carlisle's relegation has left some serious questions hanging in the air.
This column has attempted to be fair and constructive, and has deliberately avoided any shaming of players at Carlisle United. Those same players at Brunton Park have the sympathy of United's paying public, as witnessed by the crowd's response following last week's game with York City, and few if any blame them for what has happened this year.
But to suggest that this column or this newspaper advocates boycotts, abuse or incitements to personal hatreds is as nonsensical as it is a complete misreading of the facts.
Yes we may be fans, but we are not here to play to a gallery of emotion, simply to reflect the concerns of local people as they are reported to us.
Should anyone wish to criticise, correct or disagree with statements made in this column, they are entitled to do so and in print.
In the meantime it is an expensive journey to Luton for the last rites in Carlisle's relegation ceremony. And as fans, we at least will be there.
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