Chat Archive

1998-12-20

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>> cufconline has joined channel #XC.1228116
The topic is: Carlisle United
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>> kynson has joined channel #XC.1228116
[kynson] I'm Alive !!!
[cufconline] nice to hear it!
[kynson] Another night out last night, another Xmas do. How did Carlisle get
- on esterday? I've literally only just got up!
[cufconline] You don't know ??
[kynson] no.
[cufconline] Well.....
[cufconline] We lost 2-0
[kynson] Shit :-(
[cufconline] And the floodlights failed
[kynson] Huh?
[cufconline] Read my match report later if you like
[kynson] Not abandoned ten, shame.
[cufconline] There was a half hour delay
[kynson] God my typing is bad this morning
[kynson] Hey, I bumped into Martin Hudson at the Xmas do last night !
[cufconline] THE Martin Hudson ??
[kynson] Yep !-)
[cufconline] He sometimes sits in the East Stand close to me
[kynson] Aye, I've seen him. He seemed in "good spirits" last night and let
- me taje a photo of him with two attractive women.
[cufconline] The only two in Carlisle ??
[kynson] Ouch.
[cufconline] Martin must get all the girls :)
[kynson] Whay wasn't jesus born in carlisle? They couldn't find a virgin and
- 3 wise men !
[cufconline] Ooh-err!
[cufconline] I've got Mad Donna going on my CD-ROM at the moment....
[kynson] Donna Air-head, off MTV ;-0   I've just uploaded some new jokes to
- my site this morning, the sanat and FAA one is my favourite
[cufconline] sanat?
[kynson] As I said, my typing is shit today :-(
[cufconline] Double vision ??
[kynson] Not that bad. It was supposed to say Santa
[cufconline] I think I saw that Snowman animation you were on about on
- somebody's PC at work BTW
[kynson] I must put it on my site for you -
- www.kynson.org.uk/snowman.gif Let's just say I have a double strength
- coffee in one of those big soup mugs ;-)
[cufconline] The one I saw was pretty explicit :)
[kynson] Snowman's dick comes out and he falls over as snowwoman goes past?
[cufconline] That's the one !!
[kynson] damn I lost the transcript, copy all so far more me please and
- email it to me.
>> cyprochris has joined channel #XC.1228116
[kynson] Chirs !-)
[cufconline] Speak of the devil..
[kynson] Chris, even !-)
[kynson] Chris - please excuse my typing this morning, I'm knackered and
- hung over.
[cufconline] Good news on the ceasefire, Chris
[cyprochris] What you been saying about me then????
[kynson] Oh, just that we had heard you were the greatest guy west of
- Baghdad !-)
[cufconline] Ermm nothing - but I was about to say that you'd be logging in
- when you - logged in
[cyprochris] You are a prophet
[cufconline] I see the ISFA sent me a message about purging
[cyprochris] SOme Cypriut guy said I was 200 miles west, it turns out he was
- talking of Iraq, not Baghdad specifically, so I am just outside range of his
- Scuds
[kynson] Aye, barn door, horses and all that......
[cufconline] Two weeks after the event, doh!
[cyprochris] I forwarded a message on that score too
[cufconline] I never got the original message from the ISFA you referred to
[kynson] I did.
[cyprochris] But I also got one just before the last purge - methinks its
- gonna happen again
[kynson] I didn't
[cyprochris] This time it says 19/20th and I got it on the 20th, so its
- still two days after it should have been
[cyprochris] Wonder if Phil got it?
[cufconline] I never got purged last time so hopefully I'll be OK
[kynson] So much for the "new manager, win a couple of games" theory of
- mine........
[kynson] We'll have to see, but what can you do? Keep sending messages in
- case one bounces?
[cufconline] It could be a lucky omen that he lost, mind - remember
- Knighton's first result  :)
[kynson] True.
[cyprochris] I reckon JH and DW  and MK were in charge anyway, NP can't make
- things happen in 2 days
[kynson] He could inspire confidence, which appears to have been lacking.
[kynson] I think so.
[kynson] I'll put the photo of Martin on my website, maybe with a caption
- competition?
[cufconline] Well you've already got my entry ;)
[kynson] Chris - Martin Hudson was at a Xmas Do with me last night and I got
- a photo of him with 2 attractive women.
[kynson] Al - I haven't - lost the transcript :-(   Email it to me please.
[cufconline] Or was it just the drink affecting your vision ??
[cufconline] I'll email it on to you
[cyprochris] Martin Hudson??
[kynson] Ex commercial director
[kynson] Thanks Al.#
[cufconline] My entry would be something like "Martin Hudson discovers only
- two attractive girls in Carlisle"
[cyprochris] Gotcha
[kynson] Hah !-)
[cufconline] He was the one who resigned after Mervyn was sacked, Chris
[kynson] Actualy, the December one looks a bit of a short entry list so far.
[cufconline] Perhaps you should put the URL on the list and ask for entries ,
- like last time
[kynson] Mine would be "Martin Hudson is new talent spotter for Carlisle".
[kynson] I did, but maybe it got lost in the debacle. I'll post it again.
[cufconline] I sent that photo (of Knighton) to the Guardian - guess what?
- They couldn't accept attachments via email!
[cyprochris] There are 4 tampons walking into Harrods - which one is the
- Cumbrian?
[cufconline] Go on....
[cyprochris] None - they're all stuck up cun**
[cyprochris] sorry
[cufconline] ooh err
[kynson] Hah !-)
[kynson] You must have a look at the jokes on my site - particularly the
- Deprtment of Health alcohol warnings and the Santa and FAA one.
[cufconline] There's some huge joke web site somewhere - probably
- www.jokes.com ....
[cyprochris] I'll hopefully be posting the next list update tonight.  All
- the replies in alphabet order with an instruction to check all details and
- to send if your not on.  Also, if anybody knows of anybody not on the list,
- to mail me, using that list on your site
[cyprochris] Dave - I have, when was it last updated?
[kynson] The alcohol warnings were emailed to me last weekend - they went
- down well at both Xmas dos.
[cyprochris] I will mail my few new ones - too long for on here but very
- funny
[kynson] Thanks.
[cyprochris] Preview - whats the difference between Saddam Hussein and a
- woman on the blob?
[kynson] So, what are Your Xmas plans, Al and Chris.
[kynson] Go on.
[cyprochris] You can negotiate with Saddam Hussein
[kynson] Hah !-)
[kynson] WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
- morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't
- remember).
[cufconline] How much calcium is in a woman's breast?
[cyprochris] Xmas - 12 days off sitting around doing nothing - trying to get
- my phone connection to any phone in the world for 10 pence/min working
[cyprochris] Out on NYE and XMas eve
[cyprochris] Go on
[cufconline] Enough to make a bone 8 inches long!
[kynson] Hmm..... ;-)
[cufconline] Just downloaded from www.jokes.com BTW ....
[cufconline] They awarded it 7/10
[kynson] v Two fish in a tank on Christmas Day, one turns to the other and
- says, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
[cyprochris] My mrs is not impresed with that - Iam and her views don't
- count
[kynson] Hey, is she there?
[cyprochris] Yep
[kynson] Hello Mrs Chris :-)
[cufconline] Why do frogs have the worst sex life imaginable?
[kynson] Go on
[cufconline] Because they hop on, they hop off, and then they croak!
[cyprochris] She is asking why you're saying hello to her?
[kynson] Remember - a dog is not just for Christmas. With careful catering
- you can make it last right through to the New Year.
[kynson] Why not, Chris?
[cufconline] Ohh err that's an old one...
[cyprochris] She says if your jokes are like she doesn't want to know
[kynson] OK :-(
[cufconline] Has she got a joke for us ??
[cufconline] Preferably mucky :)
[cyprochris] She's deep in thought
[cufconline] here's one for her : What do guys and ceramic tiles have in
- common?
[cyprochris] A turd and a wig walk into the bar and could not get served -
- why?
[cufconline] Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for the
- rest of your life
[kynson] We went as the Men in Black to both Xmas dos and it went down
- reasonably well at both, although there was the odd guy winding us up,
- looking for an "argument".
[kynson] Go on, Chris.
[cufconline] Go on Chris...
[cyprochris] She's pissing herself laughingat that onee - she's writing it
- down
[cyprochris] The barman said one was steaming and the other was off his head
[kynson] He-He. Some good material to add to the website, here.
[cyprochris] I've gotta go now as I've gotta be at a match at 2pm (12pm UK)
[cufconline] Oh well - enjoy the match Chris :)
[cufconline] Let's hope you do better than CUFC :(
[cyprochris] I'll read the rest of this later on - I'll give you some new
- jokes later on - tata
[kynson] See you Chris.  My all time favourite is the "Mickey Mouse getting
- divorced" joke.
[kynson] what is the weather like there at the moment?
[cufconline] WARNING!!! !!! There is a new virus : Viagra ! It turns your
- 3.5" floppy into a hard drive...
[kynson] Hahahahaha - now that is good !-)
[cufconline] All of these I'm getting off www.jokes.com - there are some good
- ones if you search...
[kynson] Hold your hand so that it it is point the index finger straight out
- and the thumb straight up. What is that?
[cufconline] Don't know ??
[kynson] Tom Thumb on Viagra.
[cufconline] Ooh errr!
[cufconline] I take it you've heard the Microsoft/Light bulb joke??
[kynson] No.
[kynson] Is Chris still here, or is his Mrs listening in?
[cufconline] How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb
- ? None - Bill Gates just declares darkness the new standard!
[kynson] Hehehehe
[cufconline] For computer buffs only maybe !
[cufconline] He could be lurking in the chatroom ...
>> kynson has left channel #XC.1228116
[cufconline] Help is anybody left in here ??
[cufconline] Ho hum de hum de hum etc...
>> kynson has joined channel #XC.1228116
[kynson] Hello again.
[kynson] What about the physicist, Chemist and Microsoft engineer out in a
- car on a sunny day, when it breaks down
[cufconline] Go on
[kynson] The physicist tries the mechanics of the engine, nothing wrong
- there
[kynson] The chemist tries the fuel system, nothing wrong there
[kynson] The Microsoft engineer say "look, all we have to do is close all
- the windows and open them again, and it should work" !-)
>> cyprochris has left channel #XC.1228116
[cufconline] Good one!
[kynson] Ah, Chris has left. It was weird, my chat window just hung before.
[cufconline] I get a message every 20 mins if I do nothing asking if I want
- to disconnect
[kynson] That will be you're connection software, mine is set at 2 minutes.
[kynson] God - your, not you're. I am in a bad way today.
[cufconline] I notice it doesn't count anything typed in here
[kynson] Mine does, most of the time. It monitors network traffic, full
- stop.
[cufconline] Mine tells me I've received 1.1 million bytes this session so
- far
[kynson] 436936 for me! I keep a ping window open for emergencies!
[cufconline] Have you tried out freeserve BTW ?
[kynson] Yes, at work as a test - it was OK, but it cooks existing Network
- and IE4.0 settings
[kynson] I am setting it up for my brother at Xmas on his computer
[cufconline] That's what put me off having a go with it - but you can quite
- easily set it up manually I believe
[kynson] Yes - Demon's software company, Turnpike, have even provided a
- script to do it!
[cufconline] There was a girl posting to freeserve.help who spent £47 on the
- technical support line!
[kynson] Shit!!!
[cufconline] And they couldn't fix her problem
[kynson] It is not really one for the non-techies, but they will make a lot
- of money from it that way.
[cufconline] She got the correct solution on the newsgroup after a handful of
- replies ....
[kynson] I may use Brother Mike's freeserve webspace as a mirror for my
- website.
[cufconline] Just have a look at the freeserve.help ng's and see all "Help!
- I'm lost!" type messages
[kynson] I'm not surprised. there should be a website structure on the CD
- for people to use for springboarding off to websites.
[cufconline] Most people don't know how to upload their pages or can't see
- them when they do...
[kynson] I must change the links on my site to www.cufconline.org.uk
[cufconline] Good idea - if I ever switch ISP's that address will still work
- OK!
[cufconline] The N&S put the address in the paper last Monday and printed it
- wrong - Doh!
[kynson] I remember that I was one of the first 100 with a free Demon
- website - I was off with 'flu the day that they allowed people to start
- uploading
[kynson] Aye, I remember you saying !-)  Although I didn't spot the error.
[cufconline] I had mine up within a week or so of signing with the dear old
- BBCNC
[cufconline] Ooh err
[kynson] What happened to that?
[cufconline] They scrapped it and we all got transferred to Pipex...
[kynson] Ah.
[cufconline] That was before they re-branded to BBC Online, Beeb.com and so
- forth...
[kynson] It seems strange that I have only been on-line for 3 years - it
- seems a lot longer
[cufconline] When I were a lad the net were a wild and dangerous place ....
- etc etc
[kynson] I was online at work from October, 3 years ago and then got my own
- setup, which was in May 1996
[kynson] Aye, they flame you FOR SHOUTING IN THE NEWSGROUPS, LAD.
[cufconline] My first web page visited was the BBC site and I looked at
- "Steve Wright's People Show" homepage
[kynson] Sad :-)
[cufconline] Using the WinWeb browser - not even Mosaic
[kynson] Ouch.
[cufconline] They've got some old browsers on the Internet magazine CD this
- month - including Lynx
[kynson] ooh, I might check that out - I like my site to be basically
- compliant with browsers. I've just realised - we've hardly even mentioned
- CUFC today.
[kynson] Too depressing.
[cufconline] Well hopefully We'll have Beardsley by Christmas
[kynson] Aye, even as an oldie, he'll make an impact in Div 3.
[cufconline] He should push the gates up, if nothing else
[kynson] Hopefully. Al, email me the transcript you have so far, and I can
- incorporate it as soon as I log off for upload this afternoon
[cufconline] I think it's time to call it a day anyway - will do!
[kynson] Aye, a bit quiet today. Ok, thanks and catch you next weekend.
[cufconline] Happy Christmas BTW!
[kynson] Oh aye, same to you, and happy New Year!
[cufconline] Bye!
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