CUMBRIANS!! There’s a chap on the board who goes by the name of ‘Cumbrian Separatist' !
Good idea — I’d like to meet him. I suspect he’s one of these conkers who goes around waving loaded weaponry above a balaclava clad bonce, but then again you’d probably struggle to pick him out round our way. Especially if he’s cunningly disguised himself by tucking his socks in to a pair of monumentally crap trackies and is wearing an oversized striped jumper! But all the same, I think he has a point.
Daring raids on the Post Office at Hexham, or Barra (well maybe not anything in Barrow but you get my drift) could come later on when we militarise but for now we should start with something simple. Begin with the basics, perhaps a couple of kidnappings or the likes. We could have a go at a couple of Z-listers to start off with. Hone our skills on someone so crap only woofters or your Gran likes. Someone like, oh say, George Michael!
Then again maybe we should ditch the violence all together, I’m not really a fan — more a dove of peace, ahem — so for now maybe our own football team would be a good start!
The Basque’s do it. In fact maybe Ziggy’s the man for a few pointers in urban warfare. I’ll ask him the next time I see him but the point is they have their own football team as well and by coconuts it must be a decent side if the Zig ain’t played for them. Anyways that said I thought I’d have a go at putting together the Cumbrian first XI:
In nets of course would have to be Scotty Carson. He may not have played against the Blues earlier in the season down in Charlton, which was a shame, but then as a one man Athletic backline he did need his rest that night so we can forgive him that. At right back we would have had Rory Delap, but I needed him for midfield so I’ve gone with perhaps a surprise inclusion, Gretna’s left back Danny Grainger. The young lad has, so I’m told, been impressive this season and seeing as how I couldn’t think up anyone else quick enough he’s in - if out of position slightly.
Left back is Paul Boertien. If he ever gets fit he’ll cover that side fine and along with Paul Reid and Paul Huntington in defence we’d be doing OK back there. A little young perhaps but then for a minor nation like ourselves you’ve just got to take that on the chin.
Midfield was tough. A poor selection in formation could cock the whole banana up - and seeing as how I couldn’t think of too many Cumbrians knocking about who played midfield I ended up gan 4-3- 3, and got booed for it by the paddock, rightly so! Muzza would be in like a shot. He’s got the ‘GRRRR’ factor, whilst Stu Green can give us the flair. Rory can sit in there and do whatever it is Rory does and with the final midfielder in place may I be the first to say I don’t reckon too many sides would take those boys apart. Of course we might be lacking a little out wide, but I couldn’t think of too many wingers apart from Gavin Skelton so he’s benched — hit the pine son!
With a tight midfield we’d need imagination and a bit of craft up front and by lordy we wouldn’t be found wanting there either. With Grant Holt holding it up, the by now reformed Matty Jansen, could provide the flair. Rounding off the XI, Scotty Dobie could then knock em in for fun - easy eh! At this jun cture it’s worth pointing out I might easily have missed someone out along the line.What can I say, I had to leave some good players out, and frankly some chuff one’s as well.
My excuse for anyone I’ve missed is that they’d clearly be an impact player off the bench. Mind you, that’s not to say the subs wouldn’t be half-handy. The likes of Lee Peacock,Tony Caig and even our dear own Stevey Hindmarch would be knocking on the door in time. So there you have it:
Carson, Grainger, Reid, Huntington, Boertin, Delap, P Murray, Green, Holt, Dobie,Jansen
Cumbrian to a man and I reckon they could comfortably hold their own, especially when you consider that Simmo is filling in as gaffer while I get my coaching badges! Put it this way they’d struggle to doink qualification for the Euros as soundly as England (Boooo) are doing.
Anyhoo - I’m off to help the war effort. There’s a dicey fish and chip shop in Morecambe that needs my close attention, pass the grenades,
| RIOA Index |
Fans | Email the webmaster |