I must confess, I was originally going to write this article on an entirely different subject, but a recent act of football treason by a certain now ex-Carlisle manager has inspired me to pen a far more satisfying piece, on what is something of a favourite subject of mine. Whether it's Robert The Bruce fighting for the English, or Richard Nixon telling porkies to just about anyone who would listen, history is full of acts of treachery that certain people just SHOULD not do, and for us dyed-in-the-sheeps-wool Cumbrians, top of that sorry list surely has to be the sight of a Carlisle manager holding up a Preston shirt. The only slight problem with all of this, though, is a slightly worrying movement that appears to be gathering pace (although not too much pace thankfully) in the world of CUFC supporters, which is a rather bizarre attempt to try and persuade us that Preston are NOT our biggest rivals. I have decided to nip this disgraceful attempt to declare peace with our "friends" from Deepdale in the bud once and for all, and as such I present my top ten reasons why all Carlisle United fans should once again proudly proclaim Preston North End as, without a shadow of a doubt, our greatest rivals.
10. 20 NOVEMBER 1993
Although a healthy rivalry has always existed between CUFC and that lot down the M6, it had admittedly remained somewhat dormant and bubbling away under the surface for a good few years. However, this is when it all kicked off again - big style. Quite literally in some cases. Anyone who was at this match knows exactly what I'm talking about, but for those who weren't, this is basically what happened. Preston, along with several thousand of their delightful fans, came to visit Brunton Park while they were top of the the old Third Division. The referee on the day, now in a retirement home for the terminally biased, decided to disallow two perfectly legitimate CUFC goals. Another Carlisle reject, Kelham O'Hanlon, saved the tamest penalty in the history of football (which the referee sadly couldn't think of any excuse not to award), and then to cap it all, Division Three galactico Tony Ellis popped up to score what turned out to be the winner in the 80th minute. Somewhat against the run of play, shall we say. Cue a ruck outside the West Stand afterwards featuring several hundred hardcases, and you have a day that sticks in the memory of lots of Carlisle fans. I particularly remember one lady as she left the match saying "I'll tell you what, somebody's gonna take these lot apart before the end of the season."
They did. It was Carlisle United. 3-0 at Deepdale, 30 April 1994. Ho ho ho. And what's more, we stopped them going up as a result. I think it's safe to say that from this season onwards, the 'healthy competition' between CUFC-PNE was well and truly reborn.
9. SIMON DAVEY
Preston never really seemed to recover from the pasting handed out to them by The Blues on that glorious day, and instead of, as expected, marching majestically to the title with their popular astroturf surface and imaginative tactics, they instead ended that year as play-off losers. The followings season of course it was Carlisle who romped to the Division Three championship. However, as it turned out, not every member of the squad stuck around to collect their medals. Our captain fantastic at the time, Simon Davey, for some reason decided to jump ship onto the somewhat flimsy raft that was Preston. Some particularly bitter Carlisle fans who managed to get their hands of that day's copy of the Lancashire Evening Post, with Davy wearing his Preston top on the back page, still own it and regularly throw darts at it, and if anyone's got a spare copy I'll have that one as well so I can ritually burn it.
8. DAVID REEVES
Similar to Davey really. Decided he'd be better off at Preston and off he went. The sight of him celebrating a goal for PNE at Brunton Park in front of his adoring public is one that is fondly remembered by lots of Blues, who not long afterwards were delighted to see his career go from strength to strength with subsequent spells at European giants Chesterfield and Scarborough.
7. PROXIMITY
Right, let's get one thing straight. The "Preston are not our rivals" brigade will tell you they're too far away to be our real enemy. They're not. They're an hour and a half away, assuming you drive within the law, and about an hour for the rest of us. Most Cumbrians have to drive for three quarters of an hour to even reach the nearest village as it is. I rest my case.
6. DARLINGTON
Just for the sake of argument, if you were to actually believe this rubbish about Preston not really being our main rivals, then that means somebody else has to be. The only other real candidate in terms of distance is Darlo. That's the stark implication of not embracing Preston as the Anti-Carlisle.
Do I need to go on? Thought not.
5. LEGENDS
This is ***-end's friendly on-site bar. So friendly that, if you try to get in with a Carlisle top on, several dozen of the locals will rush out to 'greet' you. They're also very eager to show you their fine collection of iron bars, coshes, bits of wood, knuckle dusters and tattooed fists. And to finish off the welcome, they'll provide you with a sightseeing trip of Preston. Well, the bit between Deepdale and Preston Royal Infirmary at least. In a nice, shiny ambulance. Probably with those same Preston fans still hanging off the wing mirrors.
4. PAUL SIMPSON
Ah, yes. The prodigal son, returning to manage the beloved club he grew up supporting. Well, that's what he's hoping to do one day at least, although first he had to put up with being in charge of Carlisle United for three years first. Still, at least we'll all laugh when he either does the same to Preston, or they give him the push first before he has the chance. ;-)
3. THAT BLOODY DRUM
You know the one. They've had it for at least ten years, and presumably thinks it makes them sound 'hard'. They used to have a sticker on it with 'Ooh Tony Ellis' on it (hope they used easy-peel, the rate at which they sell players down there!). Hopefully now that Deepdale has been reduced to a soulless, plastic all-seater shoebox the acoustics may have been knackered up as well so that it now sounds like a pair of maracas.
2. ATTITUDE
Well, let's face it. They really do think they're Barcelona, don't they? And have you EVER heard a Preston fan take the piss out of themselves, their team or any of their players? (This should have been number one really, as it's actually the reason that just about everyone hates Preston. Even people who don't like football. And haven't even HEARD of Preston.)
1. THE DEEPDALE DUCK
I mean, come ON.
So there you have it. I expect you all now to be crawling all over the Preston messageboards, turning up at Deepdale in your thousands next time we play them, and putting your life savings on them going down this season. And for those of you previously afflicted with 'Preston aren't our biggest rivals' syndrome, I'm pleased to be of service in curing you. There's no charge.
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