12 from Raffles to suggest nicking the light bulb from Preston.
34 to lament these modern light bulbs and go on about how they were so much better in the early 70s.
42 to suggest that we get Peter Beardsley to change the light bulb.
59 to say that the light bulbs were much brighter when Mick Wadsworth changed them.
230 to suggest buying the light bulb on the Internet and sponsoring it.
20,000 to stay at home and say that it is pointless changing the light bulb until Carlisle United are in the top flight again.
1 to buy the shirt with "Lightbulb" 7 on the back
1 to write about changing a light bulb in the fanzine
8,000 to chant "sack the lightbulb"
5 to drive up from Penrith with the light bulb.
1278 to deny that the light bulb is Scottish.
78 to stand quietly knowing that it is Scottish.
13,134 to deny vehemently that the light bulb has at any time been in contact with a sheep.
20 to sing the praises of the light bulb, whilst 1000 watch quietly for the bulb changers to do something.
2 to change the light bulb.
Bill was always thinking of football and would talk about nothing else. Eventually his wife turned around and said "I bet you don't even remember the day we got married".
"Of course I do, it was the day we went down 4-1 against Notts County. Bad Day all round really."
Kevin Keegan dies and goes up to Heaven. When he gets there, he is met by Saint Peter who asks him where he would like to spend the rest of eternity. After consideration Keegan replies "Anywhere where Alex Ferguson can't find me, because on earth he made my life a misery."
"Let's see" says St Peter, "Heaven number 6 should be OK"
So Kevin passes his time in a remote corner of Heaven until one day he is mown down by a Daimler. Thinking that it is his arch rival he storms over to St Peter and demands to know how he was found. "Oh no, that wasn't Ferguson" replied St Peter "That was God, he just thinks he is Alex Ferguson".
A bloke goes into the The Beehive on the Saturday evening after the York game with his dog, just in time to hear the football results on the radio. "York 4 Carlisle 3" On hearing this the dog starts howling in a woeful manner.
"Why did he do that?" asks the barmaid.
"Oh, he's a fan of Carlisle United" replied the man.
"What does he do if they win then?"
"I don't know, I've only had him 5 weeks".
"Brooking trying one of those impossible crosses, which on this
occasion was impossible."
Brain Moore
Did you hear about the Manchester United fan who was so thick even his mates noticed?
Yesterday a lorry crashed into a house in Preston causing £3000 worth of improvements.
And then there was the case of the Burnley fan found in the desert with a piece of sandpaper. He thought it was a map.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of Preston Players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
What's the difference between a female Preston Fan and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
What do you call 20 Preston Fans skydiving from an aeroplane?
Diahorrea.
If you see a Preston Fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a Manchester United Fan from Manchester and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a £50 note. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
What do Preston Fans and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
What is black and brown and looks good on a Preston Fan?
A Doberman.
What do you have when 100 Preston Fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Preston Fan in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What do Preston Fans use for birth control?
Their personalities.
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Manchester United Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the United Fan. Twice.
What is the difference between a Preston Fan and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
What do you call 5000 dead Preston Fans at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What"s happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responses, "I ran over David Beckham".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood, but what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, he tried to escape through the park."
A man goes into Heathrow Airport and eventually goes into the departure lounge waiting for his flight home to be called. It looks like a bomb has gone off. All around him there are overturned tables, upturned chairs, smashed windows, flight monitors broken and crowd control barriers lying on the floor. "What happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Oh yeah", he replies "Bloody hopeless .... we had the Carlisle United players in here this morning filming the new Nike advert".
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